I’m embarking upon a life long dream to be a published writer. My specialisms are writing about being an Indian Autism parent and also about issues affecting the Asian community but which don’t get talked about. I’m on a mission to make the uncomfortable, comfortable so we can all show up as our authentic selves, be empowered to face challenges and enjoy what life showers upon us too.
Featured Article:- Fertility, baby loss and the advice from Roni at RecommendAsian
The journey to parenthood is not as simple as we think it going to be growing up. Go to school then university, meet a nice boy, get married, have babies. Simple right? For many this plan doesn’t always work. Getting married is hard enough, when we are ready to become parents it can be another ball game.
Those of us that do suffer with infertility or loss often do so alone. I am proud of my culture but generally it’s not very open. In fact I felt for a long time that these things are taboo.
Over a seven year period what impacted me more than the investigations, needles, treatments and being prodded by strangers was the emotional stress. The anxiety and heartache hurt more.
I personally have suffered eight miscarriages, each one as painful as the first. I didn’t feel like I could come out about it and as a result keeping up a façade of being ok out in the world nearly broke me. The diets, supplements and alternative therapies are also expensive so the additional financial pressure can take its toll.
I was lucky. I got my miracle child in 2016. Looking back on this time of my life I can advise the following:
- Talk. At least tell the people closest to you what is happening. Allow yourself to be loved and supported.
- Know you are not alone. Speak to people going through similar situations.
- If you are with a partner, remember why you are together. It wasn’t just to have babies.
- Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve your losses.
- Remember who you are and try to find things that give you peace and make you smile.
- Do not blame yourself. This is a big one. Whatever has happened, it is NOT your fault.
Despite not wishing this journey on anyone it has made me a stronger and more compassionate person. I am not ashamed of my journey.
Some of the charities in the UK that can help are:
The Miscarriage Association. www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
Cruse Bereavement Care 0844 477 9400
I am grateful to this group for providing a forum for women to get support, including me.