The mother in law. Can’t live with them, can’t kill them. Perish the thought! Many of us have suffered at the hands of the MIL. In this post I want to share with you why MILs can be so troublesome.
The first thing you need to realise about your MIL is that you both are in love with the same man. Up until your arrival on the scene she was everything to your partner. There is a theory in psychoanalyse called the ‘Jacasta complex’. It is a little known disorder and it is when the mother has unconscious sexual desires for her own son. Yeah I know…it’s hard to believe but if you feel undermined, controlled and criticised then that’s probably what you are up against. To say that she is jealous of you is an understatement. Your MIL sees you as a rival for her son’s affections.
Although on a conscious level she is happy that he has settled down, subconsciously she hates it….and she hates you. There you are with your youth, beauty and all your new-fangled 21st century ideas about family life and there she is with everything fading…youth…beauty and health. In her head you have knocked her off the number one slot and she is not going down without a fight. She criticises your cooking, the way you look after the children and the way you keep house. Everything and anything. Do not take it personally. She cannot help herself. No amount of talking to her will solve the problem. She cannot change. No amount of talking to your partner will help the situation because part of the plan is to drive a wedge between the 2 of you so that she can get between you both. Don’t let that happen.
If your MIL is the bane of your life then stop trying to figure out how to deal with her. Instead work on strengthening your own family unit. For example. The only place where she cannot meddle is in the bedroom. So make sure that everything in the garden is rosy in that department. Do not complain to your husband about her. Think about it this way when you and you partner argue about her, it means she is getting to you and she is winning. Instead of complaining, work on strengthening your partner’s ego so much so that he feels able to stand up to her. Sit back and let him deal with her. In the meantime develop your own self esteem so that nothing she says or does has an effect on you. Lastly be happy in her presence. I know it’s hard but fake it until you make it. When she realises that you are unassailable…she will be miserable…but she will give up. Eventually. Good Luck!

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